An Extra, Terrestrial Study

sponsored by the underground atypical network

Participate

Section I.

Your opinions matter to us, so please be honest.

*1. Please enter your full pseudonym. Use commas, spaces, and question marks as necessary.

Section II.

First, we need to know a little more about you for our... records.

2. Enter the time in earth-speak that you have spent uselessly revolving around the sun, staring blankly at it’s retina-damaging, bulky helium wonders: *3. You hail from
Topeka, Kansas
4. You spend most of your time...
Sautéing mud for your latest culinary creation.
Honing your sword-gurgling abilities.
Tripping wires, making noise, and falling into traps
Exploding stuff in the microwave… that looks less like peeps at some point.
At your year-round summer beach job, posing for ice-sculpture artists
Managing the fungible zombie peace treaties of the Midwest
Listening to classical music and picking your nose… the two are practically interchangeable
Sorting fungi
Imitating the sound a broken sprinkler makes using a form of polyphonic Morse Code which you developed in your [very limited] spare time.
Selling the world’s most effective shoelaces
Selling the world’s most effective shoelace-flavored gum
Thinking up raps for the talented filmmaking duo, Boner and Buster Bryan, then crying when you are reminded daily that you haven’t actually been employed for the past 8 years…
Trying to curb your fire-breathing habit; in jail; in the hospital
Degenerating
5. If you could turn into anything, what would it be? 6. Describe your teeth. 7. The government is giving you a goldfish. What do you name it?

Section III.

You have our apologies. We must now ask you an incredibly personal question.

8. You are happiest when...
Snorkeling
Computing public patterns
Unraveling lackluster maxims
Perspiring to jives
Petrifying peppermint
Fluctuating between a stewardess position and a cloud-watching job as a french-fry
Gambling with the undercurrents.
Harmonizing without hesitation!
Disengaging from sticky games of leapfrog
Dealing with whiny fabric
Chuckle-scanning ski transcripts
Bicycling to victory
Sending genes glancing across a stock ocean
Mending acid
Dressing reindeer with unnatural energy!!!!
The gentleman stumbles. You help him up.
Leaking information about the rumored "container."
Seeking upscale fruits and vegetables for your new T.V. show
Making cakes that look like peeps!
Engaging in other wholesome activities.

Section IV.

By now we think you are ready for some more serious questions.

9. Briefly name/describe the most bizarre, otherworldly place you have been (dreams can qualify if you’d like.)

Part II